It came from reconnecting with myself.
It took me quite a journey to get there.
For much of my earlier life, I had very little sense of my own worth. I believed, somewhere deep down, that there was something wrong with me; that I was somehow unworthy of love, and that life was inherently hard.
Unsurprisingly, I found some pretty destructive ways of navigating that belief. I drank heavily at times. I found myself in unhealthy relationships. I treated myself badly and allowed other people to do the same.
Then, in May 2020, something happened that changed the direction of my life.
I was apologising to my eldest son, once again, for what life at home had become.
His response was simple:
“It’s okay, Mum, I’m used to it.”
Something about those words cut through everything.
I knew in that moment that this couldn't be our normal anymore.
That night, I took my two boys and left. And this time, I knew it was for good.
I began building a new life for us. Things were getting better and, in so many ways, it felt as though my life was finally beginning again.
And then my body began struggling.
I was experiencing debilitating fatigue and problems with my sight, and in January 2021 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.
I was terrified.
My only real experience of MS had been watching a family friend become increasingly dependent on others before eventually dying relatively young.
My life was supposed to have just begun again.
And suddenly I was faced with another choice.
I could live my life in fear of the future I imagined waiting for me, or I could become curious about what power I might have in shaping the life ahead of me.
I chose curiosity.
I went searching. I read, learned, experimented and explored different ways of supporting my wellbeing. Some helped enormously. Some didn't belong with me at all. At times, even trying so hard to do all the right things became pretty intense.
But somewhere amongst all that searching, something much more important happened.
I discovered me.
I began learning to listen to myself. To notice what felt right for me rather than automatically reaching outside myself for the answer. To understand my needs, my values, my boundaries, my desires and the life I actually wanted to be living.
And I realised that reconnecting with myself didn't give me all the answers.
It gave me something better.
A way of finding my own next step.
That discovery sits at the heart of Creating Self.
Today I write, photograph, create, run workshops and offer one-to-one support. They may look like different things, but to me they all come from the same place: creating opportunities for someone to pause, notice, question, reflect — and perhaps hear themselves a little more clearly.
I'm not here because I've perfected life.
Far from it.
I'm still learning, changing, creating, getting things wrong, discovering new things about myself and deciding what fits and what doesn't.
Perhaps that's the point.
I don't believe we need to become some perfected version of ourselves before we can create a life that feels like ours.
Sometimes, we just need to reconnect with the person who's already there.
That's what Creating Self means to me.
And if something I create helps you do a little of that for yourself, then I'm very glad you've found your way here.